S6E16 - The End

Greetings from oblivion!!

For those of you who don't know the details... I won't bore you with them, but sufficed to say I am currently voluntarily unemployed and pursuing a career as a full-time author. This in part explains the lack of a finale recap and for that I hope you can forgive me.

While we are on the subject, I wanted to do the finale recap in a Q&A style. Giving you A's to all of your unanswered Q's. After experiencing the finale, I can safely say that the answer to almost all of them is, "It doesn't matter because it had nothing to do with the REAL purpose of the island." Having said that, I actually enjoyed the final episode and thought it brought excellent closure for the characters if not the near-impossible "Answer to Everything." On a philosophical level, I think any lingering questions are perhaps more intriguing than the answers themselves. For an exhaustive list, check this out: http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Unanswered_questions

So in short, I choose to abstain from attempting a finale recap. In part because of the near perfection of the episode itself and in larger part due to being an aforementioned unemployed full-time author. Cop out? Perhaps. I shall leave that as my own little mystery for you to solve. In the meantime, the list of LOST life lessons that I compiled thanks to many of your contributions was completed a while ago, but unfortunately saved to my work PC just before my self-liberation from the workforce. However, after unflagging persistence I have managed to cut through the mass of corporate red tape and am able to present it to you now:

* * *

Everything I Need To Know… I Learned From LOST

• In order to receive a direct answer, you must first ask a direct question.
• Who needs biological children when you can create fake animal-skull babies of your own?
• We either live together or die alone.
• Never attempt to handle dynamite found on a 200-year-old shipwrecked vessel. You’ll likely end up in 100 tiny pieces.
• Don’t take any “medicine” offered by your kidnappers.
• You may think that cute brunette with the penchant for melodrama will one day wake up, get a clue and forget the doctor. But she won't. Get over it. Go after the sassy latin-speaking blonde instead.
• It only ends once. Anything before that is just progress.
• Don’t tell me what I can’t do.
• You can make an entire music career from one catchy line and a bunch of funny accents.
• Go easy on your deadbeat dad, because you never know if one day you may get teleported back in time and find out he wasn't such a bad guy after all.
• If you happen to see a TV news crew at a fried chicken restaurant, eat elsewhere.
• Smoke monsters cannot fly over water. Duh…
• Don't stand too close to people who suddenly have prominent roles, despite the fact you've never heard of them before this week.
• Whatever happened, happened… sort of.
• Even if you were given an alternate reality, you’d still be stuck with the same people.
• There’s always something inside the Virgin Mary that shouldn’t be.
• Always pack an extra pair of underwear in case you spontaneously time travel only to be left naked in the jungle a few hours later.
• Evidently, you can anger land masses.
• Never lie to a samurai.
• If you’re going to stab someone, make sure they don’t speak to you first.
• Always bring a towel along on jungle expeditions. You never know when you might get a little Arzt on you.
• Everyone’s got daddy issues.
• Time travel sucks.

* * *

Thank you all for taking this little journey with me. And if you'd like to follow me on my new travels as an author (riddled with its own share of overanalysis of the unknown) friend me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter @HayFiction. Website coming soon! Dude... I'm so "e" it's ridiculous.

S6E15 - What They Died For

This episode answers the question, "What they died for." The "they" meaning not just Jin and Sun, or even Sayid, but anyone who was "called" to the island. Based on the title, and the fact that this episode is only one off from what will hopefully be a fond farewell to the series... an obituary seems only appropriate.

Name: John Locke (aka Jeremy Bentham)
Born: 1956 - teenage mother and con artist father
Died: 2007 - suicide (upon first inspection)
Lifetime Achievements: hunting boar, pushing a button, pushing a wheel that got stuck, blowing up a submarine (once as himself and again as a smoke monster)

Of course the John we know and love (or at least respected for about four seasons until he became whiny and so easily lead astray by Ben) is long gone, but alt-John is still around. After alt-Ben got the alt-crap beat out of hit by alt-Desmond, he too had a vision of his island self.

Okay, I get the rule if your island self dies you can "see" or even if you come into close contact with someone who "wasn't meant to be" like Hurley/Libby, then you "see." I can even handle a near-death experience being the gimmick to make you "see" but now all it takes is just getting knocked around? Alt-lame. Come on. The next thing you know Desmond will just run around stepping on people's toes.

Anyway, from the looks of things, alt-Ben's got a potential alt-love connection with alt-Rousseau who will be sure to not put in as many alt-onions in his alt-dinner next time... if you know what I'm alt-saying. Good for them. Anyway, point being that he tells alt-Locke what alt-Desmond said about letting go and alt-Locke takes it as a sign to finally agree to let alt-Jack help him.

By the way, remind me not to send my daughters to the school where alt-Ben and alt-Locke teach. Worst security ever...

Name: Charles Widmore
Born: 1937
Died: 2007 - shot three times in the gut
Lifetime Achievements: leading a group of people with no clear purpose, building a vast-yet-vague business enterprise, finding an unfindable island (twice)

You know what I totally didn't get about this episode? Ben's sudden switch of allegiance. At first he just seemed resigned to his fate. He was all, "Okay, Widmore beat me to the punch on the C4 idea, which didn't work anyway and hey listen, here he comes to kill us." So he walks outside and calmly sits as if accepting his fate. But then when Flocke doesn't want to kill him, but in fact wants Ben to kill some folks FOR him, Ben just goes along with it? What? So is he just glad he's not dead so going along with whatever is asked of him? I don't get it and that's a total 180 from the "redemption" that he apparently had when deciding to side with Ilana and the candidates way back when. I hope he's just going along as a con.

Anyway, he kills Widmore--who was in the process of whispering sweet nothings in Flocke's ear in exchange for his daughter's life--claiming he "doesn't get to save his daughter." Geez, bitter much? Long story short, what happened to Ben's statement about not being able to kill Widmore because it was against the rules back in season 4? I mean, that's why he threatened to kill Penny in the first place, because he blamed Widmore for Alex's death and couldn't kill him so went after his own daughter instead. I have a feeling that won't be explained and that irks me. The whole who can kill who thing and why irks me.

The big reveal in the end is Widmore's admission that Desmond was a fail safe in case all the candidates died; somehow related to his immunity to high doses of electromagnetism. While dangerous to Flocke in some way, this also apparently equates to being able to destroy the island so it looks like the island timeline's main showdown will be Jack and Flocke both hunting for Desmond.

Name: Zoe ?
Born: 1970ish
Died: 2007 - throat slit by smoke monster in corporeal form
Lifetime Achievements: masters degree in geophysics, successfully kidnapped a Korean

While Zoe is definitely dead, you know who I'm not so sure about? Richard. What do you think? Looks like he kind of just got tossed really hard into the jungle. Oh, and you know who I totally left out of the recap before last whose fate I'm also unsure of...?

Name: Frank Lapidus
Born: 1960ish
Died: ? - possibly drowned after submarine explosion
Lifetime Achievements: binge drinking, sobering up, semi-successfully landing an airplane after partial loss to engine power

I'm assuming he's dead. I mean, he was blown backwards by the submarine bulkhead just before the water came in so I think he joined Jin and Sun in their fate. Speaking of which...

Name: Jin Kwon
Born: 1974 - son of a fisherman and hooker with a heart of gold (minus the gold)
Died: 2004 - supposed freighter explosion AND 2007 - drowned out of sheer stubbornness (or extreme devotion)
Lifetime Achievements: built a raft, drowned voluntarily

Name: Sun Kwon
Born: 1980 - daughter of a Korean mobster for all intents and purposes
Died: 2007 - drowned in a submarine with her husband
Lifetime Achievements: hostile corporate takeover of family business, abandoning only child to pursue hopeless mission

Don't get me wrong, that scene was tragic, but being a parent... I would have spent at least some of my last few moments giving my spouse the third degree for basically choosing to orphan our child. Tough call and everything, but come on dude. Anyway, while we're tallying up submarine fatalities, I might as well include...

Name: Sayid Jarrah
Born: 1967
Died: 2007 - ran with a timebomb as opposed to throwing it very very far away
Lifetime Achievements: blue ribbon in torture school, fell for a shallow white girl, became kind of evil, sacrificed himself in order to protect his friends

This brings me back to the alternate timeline where Desmond voluntarily turns himself in. At first, I thought it was a ruse to get close to Sawyer, but then we see his cellmates Kate and Sayid. He stages a prison break with the help of Hurley and a paid off Ana Lucia and splits up into teams, presumably in a final push to get all the LOSTies back together.

It definitely seems like there's some concert going on that will draw a number of them. Apparently it is a benefit for Pierre Chang's (Miles' dad) museum opening. Jack's son will be playing piano, so there's Jack. Maybe Claire will come along (with her comically-far-too-easy-to-maneuver-pregnancy-suit, I mean seriously Emilie de Ravin... have you actually seen a pregnant woman before portraying one on TV?). As you recall, alt-Daniel is a musician so he could be in attendance as well, thus also roping in Eloise and Widmore. Desmond already bought an outfit for Kate, saying they were going, and I'm assuming Hurley and Sayid will be in charge of rounding up any stragglers like Jin, Sun, Locke, maybe Ben. I also have a theory about Juliet, but I don't want to ruin any surprises. Anyway, it will be interesting how they all get together which apparently is what part of Sunday's finale will reveal.

Name: Jacob
Born: ??? - classical Roman era
Died: 2007 - stabbed by a disillusioned ex-employee
Lifetime Achievements: Guiness Book record holder for most consecutive days of wearing white, creating an evil smoke monster

We already knew the "reason" for the candidates as replacement guardians of the light from last week's episode. And yes, Jack is the chosen one... or the volunteer at least. But I guess two other biggish questions from this season got it's answer in Jacob's fireside chat. Question: How were the candidates chosen? Answer: Jacob just looked for lonely people whose lives sucked. Question: Why was Kate scratched off the list. Answer: Because she became a surrogate mother therefore not quite so lonely or sucky, but it was just a piece of chalk in a cave and if she still wanted the job she could have had it.

The only problem I have with this is Jin and Sun. Granted their marriage was on the skids before they came to the island, but surely after Sun escaped and had Ji Yeon she should have been crossed off. But of course in that case maybe the Kwon in question was Jin just because he presumably could never leave to be with her again so was just the lonely woe-is-me type Jacob was looking for? I dunno. Whatever, though, they're definitely crossed off now.

***

That's it. I wanted to say more... maybe include some notable obituaries of characters from the past such as Charlie, Rousseau, or Juliet. But alas, I find my creative energies dwindling as the finale draws closer. Perhaps it is for the best.

The Questions and Answers revealed in Jacob's final moments will serve as my inspiration for the finale's recap, but I need your help. This show is--if nothing--a Pandora's box of mysteries. Many questions have been raised, though it seems the answer ratio has been lacking. I suppose the finale will fill some of these gaps, but I'm not so optimistic as to think it will answer everything.

So, in an ambitious effort to potentially divert catastrophe, I will attempt to answer all of your questions. Whether big or small; something that's been itching you since season one or a story hole you need plugged from last night's episode; anything from "Why was Libby in the mental institution?" to "What did the incident have to do with babies and their mothers dying in the third trimester?"; doesn't matter, just shoot me an e-mail and I'll include it and the answer (or at least a plausible one) in my last recap.

Bold claim? Yes. But by golly I'm going to salvage this sinking ship. I just hope that it won't require as much bailing out as I anticipate.

S6E14 - Across the Sea

This episode filled in some blanks on Jacob and his brother's backstory. Guess what else does that... Mad Libs! Print and enjoy.

WORD LIST:
(noun)
(adjective)
(body part)
(verb end w/ ‘s’)
(adjective)
(generic place)
(plural noun)
(color)
(color)
(verb end w/ ‘s’)
(adjective)
(noun)
(verb)
(verb)
(adjective)
(animal)
(plural noun)
(adjective)
(verb)
(color)
(noun)
(game)
(plural noun)
(adjective)
(body part)
(verb)
(number)
(adjective)
(adjective)
(adverb)
(noun)
(verb end w/ ‘s’)
(verb end w/ ‘s’)
(noun)
(verb w/ ‘ing’)
(fluid)
(nonsense phrase)
(adjective)
(body part)
(noun)
(verb)
(body part)
(noun)
(adjective)
(color)
(noun)
(noun)
(adjective)
(phrase)

RECAP:
Episode Title: “Across the (noun)”

A woman washes ashore. She is obviously (adjective) based on the size of her (body part) and the way she holds it. She (verb end w/ ‘s’) in a nearby stream when a (adjective) woman finds her and assists her to the nearby (generic place) where she lives. Soon she went into labor and gave birth to twin (plural noun). After swaddling one in (color) and the other in (color), the island woman (verb end w/ ‘s’) their mother.

Years later, the boy with (adjective) clothes finds a (noun) washed up on the beach. He asks his brother, Jacob, if he wants to (verb), but makes him swear not to tell their mother. Jacob agrees, but tells her anyway. When she confronts the boy, she tells him that Jacob confessed, claiming he doesn’t know how to (verb). He wonders where he came from, but his mother claims the island is all there is, adding that being (adjective) is something he’ll never have to worry about.

Later on, the brothers are hunting a (animal) when they encounter a group of (plural noun). They run home to tell their mother and she warns them to stay away because all (same plural noun as last) are (adjective), but she assures them she has made it so the two brothers cannot (verb) each other. After some prompting, she finally leads them to a clearing and shows them a (color) (noun) claiming one of them must protect it.

Some time after, the boys are playing (game) on the beach when a woman appears to the nameless brother. She leads him to a place where a small group of (plural noun) live, claiming they are his people and that she is their (adjective) mother. The brother runs home to tell Jacob the truth, but Jacob doesn’t believe him and punches him in the (body part). Their mother breaks up the fight, telling the brother he’ll never be able to (verb). He says it isn’t true and one day he’ll prove it.

As an adult, Jacob goes to visit his brother where he has been living among his people for (number) years. The brother admits that while insane, their mother was right about people being (adjective) and (adjective). Jacob questions why he’s remained so long and the brother explains that his people have found places on the island where metal behaves (adverb) and that he plans to use it to (same verb as last). Jacob informs his mother of the plan and she visits the brother who shows her a (noun) that they will use to harness the power of the island. She promptly (verb end w/ ‘s’) him then (verb end w/ ‘s’) the village.

Afterwards, the mother wakes up Jacob and leads him to the (noun), claiming it’s his time to protect it while warning that he must never use it because it would be worse than (verb w/ ‘ing’). She then pours him a cup of (fluid), chanting “(nonsense phrase)” and tells him to drink. Once he does, she says they are both (adjective).

Upon discovering the wrecked village, Jacob’s brother returns home and stabs his mother in the (body part) with a (noun). Jacob enters and they begin to (verb). Jacob overpowers his brother and drags him to the (body part) of the island where he pushes him into a (noun). After a moment there is a (adjective) noise and a (color) (noun) monster emerges. Jacob discovers his brother’s (noun) lying on the riverbank and—feeling (adjective) about what he has done—takes it home to bury next to his mother’s. His last words to them both are, “(phrase)”.

S6E13 - The Candidate

Today is Cinco de Mayo… need I say more?

Beverage Cross-Reference:
Jack – Jack
Hurley – Tequila
Kate – White Whine… uh Wine
Sawyer – Beer
Jin – Gin
Sun – Orange Juice (or Sunny Delight)
Sayid – Vodka
Locke – Light Rum
Flocke – Dark Rum
Claire – Jagermeister
Desmond – Scotch
Aaron – Apple Juice

Drink Menu:
The Post-Op
1 bottle of Light Rum
4 oz. Jack
***Run bottle of rum over with a car. Soak up rum with medical sponge and squeeze back into mended bottle along with Jack.***

On the Island, Jack continues taking the leadership backseat and seems reluctant to get all let-me-fix-it on everybody. However, alternate Jack hasn’t learned that lesson yet and is determined to fix Locke. Not only does he stalk his dentist (Bernard, who seems all creepy zen-like about being on the same flight), but he goes as far as tracking down his dad at a retirement home. Granted he didn’t know at the time whom Anthony Cooper was nor his condition, but still… let it go, dude. Anyway, before leaving the hospital Locke spills the beans about the alternate-life version of his accident and how basically, remaining paralyzed is his way of self-punishment. And that’s just the tip of the tragedy iceberg for this episode.

Hydra Island Special
1 oz. of Jack
2 oz. Vodka
2 oz. Dark Rum
***Pour Jack into a row boat. Add Vodka and Dark Rum. Mix with paddles.***

Jack maintains his reluctance to leave the island, but Flocke convinces him to help his friends like the true master manipulator we now know he is.

The Bear Biscuit
Beer
White Wine
Tequila
Gin
Sunny D
***Lock one bottle of each ingredient in a cage. Now lock yourself in the cage. Enjoy each separately until released.***

Why, why, why do people continuously try to shoot Flocke? For real. Anyway, Widmore says he’s locking them up for their own good, but Flocke makes short work of the guards. Oh and what good is a sonic fence if you put the power switch for it on the side your enemy is on? Sheesh.

C4 (shooter)
Dark Rum
***Place rum in a shot glass and light on fire.***

So Flocke makes it to the plane only to find it rigged with explosives. At first I thought it was the work of Richard, Miles, and Ben, but I doubt they could have gotten their hands on C4 plus Widmore’s men were guarding it. The thing I don’t understand is that if Widmore knows what Flocke is trying to do—and therefore really does want to protect the candidates—why would he try to blow up the plane? That would essentially have given Flocke exactly what he wanted. Anyway, this also made me wonder where the heck Richard, Miles, and Ben are now. Still formulating plan B, I assume. It will be interesting to see what they’ve been up to.

The Half-Sister
4 oz. Jack
4 oz. Jagermeister
***Invite your half-sister over to your house. Pour ingredients into a glass, but DO NOT mix. Enjoy.***

I wonder what the music box Christian willed to Claire is about. I don’t think that’s something we know from “reality A” so I guess we’ll see its significance soon. It just seemed too intentional to not mean anything. Unless it was just a plot device in order to allow Jack the opportunity to invite her to stay with him. Half-siblings aside… kind of weird. But you know Claire; willing to carpool with wanted felons and take legal counsel from stalkers. If anything, agreeing to bunk with a half-brother she just met is one of her better ideas.

Anti-Jagerbomb (shooter)
Beer
Tequila
Gin
Orange Juice
Vodka
White Wine
Jack
Dark Rum
Jagermeister
***Pour the first five ingredients into a pint glass. Shoot the White Wine with a chaser of Jack. Omit the last two ingredients completely.***

At first I just thought something would happen to prevent them from getting on the sub, just like they failed to get on the plane, but Flocke’s plan was far more devious than that. What a nail-biter. While it was upsetting that Sayid did what he did, it was almost necessary in order to redeem his character considering how far he’s drifted this season. In his last words, he gave Jack a recipe for…

The 12-Step Program
1 Bottle of Scotch
***Abandon a bottle of Scotch at the bottom of a well. Do not take a shot.***

So Sayid didn’t kill Desmond after all. We all suspected as much. He tells Jack where to find Desmond, saying he might need him, but the interesting tidbit was at the end when Jack asked why Sayid was telling him this to which he answers, “Because it’s going to be you.” Granted, it’s looking like that more and more, but still… did Sayid know something we don’t?

Classic Gin & Juice
1 part Gin
1 part Orange Juice
***Use submarine as shaker. Mix, but do not pour into separate container.***

And the death toll rises yet again. I guess there’s no reason to get too worked up. After all, there are only two more episodes left until the finale and we still have alternate Jin and Sun to root for, but still… things got a little dusty in the living room (if you know what I’m saying) when I watched their final moments. Just like Charlie started having visions of the Island while on the plane, perhaps Sayid, Jin and Sun will be “open” to such things now that they’re dead too. If the last candidate (Jack or otherwise) winds up saving everyone, that’s fine, but I still want to see everyone band together against Flocke, maybe even against Jacob. If I were them, I’d be tired of all the constant manipulation.

The Candidate
4 oz. Light Rum
8 oz. Tequila
15 oz. Beer
16 oz. Vodka
23 oz. Jack
42 oz. Gin or Orange Juice
***Before mixing, strangle the rum, blow up the Vodka, and submerge the Gin and Orange Juice in water.***

So the candidate list dwindles down to three: Jack, Sawyer, and Hurley. Hopefully not everyone will have to die before it’s down to one. I don’t think I can take Hurley biting the big one, especially. In the meantime, I’m wondering how everyone’s alternate lives will factor in. Surely they won’t just all die on the island and have a happily-ever-after in the alternate, right? That would be a total let down.

The Oceanic Six (aka Lost Island Iced Tea)
1 oz. Jack
1 oz. Tequila
1 oz. Vodka
1 oz. Sunny D
1 oz. White Wine
Add splash of Apple Juice

Not much to do with this episode… I just thought these made for nice drink names.

Cheers.

Everything I Need to Know... I Learned from LOST

Maybe some of you saw it coming based on last week’s post-show preview so knew going into last night that you would not be treated to a new episode. But if you were like me, you did NOT notice and therefore got a kicked-in-the-gut feeling once you realized it was a replay. Anyway, I thought I would attempt to fill this temporary LOST-shaped hole in your life with the following public service announcement.

As you know, the end draws nigh. There are only three new episodes left until the 2-hour finale. While I’ve enjoyed recapping this last half of the show’s existence, I must admit it wouldn’t have been nearly as fun without your colorful commentary and insightful contributions serving as mile markers along the way. Many of my revelations and ideas are in no small way indebted to you… the readership.

For this reason, I wanted to create something together—a little “community project” if you will—that combines the collective wisdom that LOST has imparted over the years. And so, dear reader, may I now extend the writer’s cap to you in a collaborative effort entitled:

“EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW… I LEARNED FROM LOST”

At first I was thinking a Letterman-esque Top 10 or 20, but I thought surely we could come up with more than that. So in these last few series-closing weeks, send me your ideas (funny, deep, or Chicken-Soup-for-the-Soul-inspiring) and I’ll compile them into a comprehensive list and distribute after the finale. Something for you to keep, print out poster-size, and hang over your bed as a reminder of the important life lessons that LOST has to offer.

If I may start us off…

Who needs biological children when you can create fake animal-skull babies of your own?

S6E12 - The Last Recruit

I've wanted to do this recap theme for a while, but no episode seemed momentous enough… that is until last night’s episode came along. Not that there were any huge revelations falling from the sky, but just focusing a little bit on everyone like they did gave me a high-speed-buckle-your-seat-belt-and-grip-the-arms-of-the-sofa feeling. Anyway, without further adieu, may I present…

(NOT-SO-FUNNY) LOST JOKES

Hugo, Sun, Frank, and Jack walk into a bar. The bartender (played by Flocke) says, “What’ll ya have?” Jack orders a water. The bartender leaves and returns a few minutes later, handing him a backpack. “What’s this for?” Jack asks. The bartender smiles then turns into Jack’s dead father and says, “If you need water, I figure I’d lead you to it.”

So, Flocke admits that he “posed” as Christian when the plane first crashed in order to lead Jack to water so the LOSTies could survive. If true, that’s one point in Flocke’s recently suffering benevolent column. Though Jack seemed to be waiver on whether or not to join Camp Flocke, Claire seemed to think the decision was made as soon as he spoke to him. Another interesting reference to that whole, “Kill him before he speaks to you” thing, don’t you think? I especially thought it was interesting in the beginning when Sun seemed to recognize (and fear) Locke as they were both being rushed into the hospital. Further evidence of alternate lives merging?

“Knock-knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Flocke.”“Flocke who?”
“Flock to me, all ye who want to escape.”

Flocke had his fair share of nice and naughty this episode. On one hand, he ordered Desmond’s murder. On the other hand, he saved Jack at the end. But if it’s true that Desmond is a threat to him and that he needs Jack (and the other candidates) in order to leave, it’s all ultimately about serving his own selfish needs. And what about that air strike that Zoe threatened him with? Duh, bullets bounce off him and knifes have no effect. What’s an oversized grenade supposed to do? Seems like that was more of a threat to his followers than to him.

A cop catches an attractive female criminal whom he attempts to flirt with. “Is your mom a criminal too?” he asks. The criminal says, “No, why?” “Because she stole the stars and put them in your eyes.” The criminal thinks about this for a moment then asks, “Are you huge fan of marsupials?” The cop says, “No, why?” “Just curious why you went to Australia.” Any further flirtatious dialogue ground to a halt.

Sawyer interrogates/flirts with Kate… interroflirts?... no wait, inflirtogates. Nice. Anyway, Miles pulls him away to show footage of Sayid fleeing the scene of a triple homicide. I’m digging how people are starting to intersect more and more in the alternate life. Especially when you consider Desmond’s new role… makes you wonder if something major is going to get them ALL together soon. Speaking of which…

How many lawyers does it take to find your long lost half-sister?
Zero.
Desmond will just do it for you.

Let’s see, in this episode, alone, we’ve got a Kate/Sawyer, Sawyer/Sayid, Jack/Claire, and Jack/Locke intersection. Not to mention a nice touch with Ilana as the lawyer.

An Iraqi finds a leprechaun trapped in the bottom of a well. The leprechaun says, “Hey, brotha. If you let me out, I’ll grant you three wishes.” The Iraqi says, “I wish my dead wife were alive again.” The leprechaun says, “I’m sorry, brotha, but I can’t bring the dead back. What’s your next wish?” The Iraqi says, “I wish I had a gun.” The leprechaun says, “That’s easy,” and a gun appears in the Iraqi’s hand. “What’s your last wish?” The Iraqi points the gun at the leprechaun and says, “I wish you farewell.”

While I doubt Sayid killed Desmond, it also seems doubtful that a guilt-trip would be enough to persuade Sayid to spare his life. He definitely didn’t look like he was on his way to rejoin the group when Locke found him. I’ll bet he set him free or at least was on his way to find a vine to dangle down the well or something. Either way, even if he is dead, we still have alternate Desmond working his matchmaking magic.

You might be a redneck if…
you wear a rifle when you go swimming instead of a bathing suit.

Was I the only one bothered when Sawyer went for a dip in the ocean with his gun? Granted, I’m no expert on firearms, but I’d at least be mildly concerned about wetting a weapon that essentially relies on making fire in order to ignite a dry powder.

How many people does it take to escape from a mysterious island?
Seven.
Two to steal a boat. Four to sneak away. And one to pull a gun on everyone until she can be convinced to tag along.

I’m glad Kate stood up for Claire and insisted that she be included. Her little speech was icing on her character-redeeming-flavored cake, though I must say she’s slid so low in my opinion, I now find her merely tolerable at best. But hey, that’s an improvement.

What do you call a dumb blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

Is it me, or did Claire give in waaaaay too easily to suspiciously free legal counsel from a man that from all appearances is stalking her? Geez… factor that in with her accepting a ride from Kate, the woman that hijacked her taxi, and you’ve got one fairly dumb blonde on your hands (no offense to all of you smart blondes out there). By the way, did anyone else laugh out loud when Hurley gave her a hug and said, “Wow, Claire… you look uh… great!” – not to mention the line where Sawyer said Frank looks like he “walked off the set of a Bert Reynolds movie.” Classic.

What did the Korean man say to his Korean girlfriend who got shot and almost lost their lovechild?
I don’t know… I don’t speak Korean.
What did the Korean man say to his Korean wife after learning English and being separated for three years?
“We’ll never be apart.”

Well, it seems that alternate Ji Yeon is alive and kicking (literally). And, wait for it… island Jin and Sun are back together. FINALLY! I was kind of hoping they’d reunite in an episode of their own. You know… give the reunion a little more oomph. Either way, hope their celebration isn’t cut off too abruptly now that Widmore decided to renig on his “deal” with Sawyer.

Why did the ex-con cross the ocean?
To get to the other side!
Why did the doctor cross the ocean?
Because he had nothing better to do!

That is until he decided his destiny was back on the island. Very interesting that Jack is “officially” with Flocke now.


All together, I thought this was a great episode. Even though the only answer worth anything was that Smokie was the one that posed as Christian back in Season 1, the episode seemed to still cover a lot of ground and set things up for the final four (three?) episodes. What were your thoughts?

S6E11 - Everybody Loves Hugo

While tomorrow marks the 2009 tax year deadline, I would like to focus on a far better date. One that is less stressful and exponentially more awesome. Today. Also known as… my birthday! I know what you’re probably thinking… crap, I didn’t buy him anything! Well never fear, because the LOSTies came bearing gifts.

PARTGOER: Dr. Chang
GIFT: Door stop in the shape of a dinosaur
REACTION: “You shouldn’t have... seriously.”

So Dr. Chang presents a man-of-the-year trophy to Hugo for opening a paleontology wing of whatever organization Chang now works for. While it was mildly interesting to see this alternate match up, I wonder if Chang should remember Hugo from the island. In one respect, Hurley was there with Chang before the bomb blew up, so theoretically while the bomb should have altered Hugo’s life, it would have only done so from 1977 and after. Chang, though, would have remembered Hurley. Then again, if alternate Hurley never went to the island therefore never time-traveled to the past, by blowing up the bomb, he essentially erased himself from Chang’s past. I think I’m getting a headache.

PARTYGOER: Libby
GIFT: A picture of us holding hands made out of elbow macaroni glued onto red construction paper
REACTION: “Oh, so they offer art classes at the uh… institution? That’s nice.”

Libby ambushes Hugo at the Mexican restaurant claiming they know each other. Despite not remembering, he seems more than interested, though is somewhat deflated when she rides off in the crazy van. In the end, she one-ups her pasta-based artwork with a reality-merging kiss. So far, it seems there are two established ways of seeing your alternate life. You must either come into contact with someone you loved (that you should not have otherwise met) or you must have a near-death experience. This theory makes me wonder if that is what Desmond intended to do in the end when he ran over Locke. After all, there isn’t a significant other from the island that can jog Locke’s memory so the only other option would be to bring him within an inch of death like Charlie experienced on the plane.

PARTYGOER: Ilana
GIFT: A backpack full of unstable dynamite
REACTION: “Maybe you should leave that outside…”

Wow. Didn’t see that coming. Kind of funny, though. I think Ben expressed it best when he pointed out how odd it was that Ilana was hand-picked by Jacob, himself, to protect the candidates and when it came down to it, she blew up only a day or two after telling them who/what they were. As if the island was done with her. Again, this points to there being something bigger in play than just Jacob or Flocke. This is underscored later on when we see another mystery kid taunting Flocke, presumably reminding him of what he can and cannot do.

PARTYGOER: Flocke
GIFT: A stick carved in the shape of… a stick.
REACTION: “How did you know I collected these?”

The natives are restless back at Flocke’s camp. Well, Sawyer at least who feels like they’re all sitting around doing nothing. Flocke says he’s waiting for the remaining candidates to come and Kate expresses her doubts. Meanwhile, Sayid shows up and leads Flocke to none other than Desmond. We know in the end, Hurley, Jack, and Sun did eventually come as he predicted so it makes me wonder how much Flocke already knew. Or if Flocke can manipulate or control the “trapped souls” like Michael and make them carry out his nefarious schemes.

PARTYGOER: Hugo
GIFT: Family-sized bucket of chicken and a check for $100,000
REACTION: “Awesome! Come on in.”

Seriously, if you want to win me over… show up at my house with a bucket of chicken. Either that or a hundred-grand. Hurley has a “chance encounter” with Desmond at Mr. Cluck’s and Desmond encourages him to pursue Libby. I suspect we’ll see more of Desmond carrying out his “alternate life interventions” for the remainder of the series. Hugo takes him up on the advice and bribes Libby’s psychiatrist to allow a meeting during which he asks her out on a date. Meanwhile on the island, Hurley decides he knows what’s best for the group and tries protecting them (and supposedly others) by blowing up the remainder of the dynamite. It seems that Jacob’s instructions about Richard knowing the next move is in conflict with what Hurley thinks. I wonder who’s correct? My money’s on Hurley.

PARTYGOER: Desmond
GIFT: Mellow dialogue
REACTION: “Yeah man… it’s like the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And like… smoke monsters.”

Very interesting interaction between Desmond and Flocke. Flocke suggests that the island “has it in” for him and Desmond counters with the likelihood that it has it in for ALL of them. Flocke agrees, but ultimately seems bothered by the fact that Desmond wasn’t afraid of him. Again, Desmond was in a very zen place. Kind of like the antithesis of how Sayid is acting now that I think about it. Another “ghost kid” pops up (different from the one that Flocke first encountered with Sawyer, I believe) and Flocke tells Desmond to ignore him. Again, I wonder if these manifestations are the island, itself, or at least some greater power. In the end, Flocke pushes Desmond into a well (perhaps one of the many electromagnetic pockets on the island) and while I doubt he’s dead, he’s out of the way for the time being.

PARTYGOER: Michael
GIFT: Revelation about what the whispers are
REACTION: “Oh… okay.”

Not that I thought “the whispers” were the answer to everything, but the revelation of them being “stuck souls” seemed somewhat anticlimactic. Michael indicated the souls were stuck because of “what they did” but I feel that goes against other ghosts or spirits we’ve seen throughout the series. Anyway, it seems Hurley is the new leader for now, at least when it comes to the other candidates plus Frank. Interesting that Jack decided to give up his default leadership role. I wonder if he still feels good about that decision after coming face to face with Flocke in the end. The expression on his face seemed to indicate he was beginning to have his own share of doubts. Meanwhile Richard, Ben, and Miles are off to execute “plan A.”

***

That’s all for now. The biggest thing I took away from this episode was the potential methodology of opening everyone’s eyes to their alternate lives. Charlie almost died. Desmond almost drowned, got exposed to heavy doses of electromagnetic energy (not recommended for anyone else), and came into contact with Penny who he would not have otherwise met. Hurley kissed Libby, who he also “shouldn’t have met” in the alternate reality. As for everyone else, I wonder what it will take to get them to “see.” For Locke, I imagine getting run over will did the trick. For Jack, maybe coming into contact with Kate. The reverse goes for Kate. For Sawyer, he’ll have to find Juliet. For Jin and Sun, I imagine it might have something to do with the birth of Ji Yeon (who exists in reality A, but might die in reality B considering Sun’s gunshot wound). For Sayid, I’m not sure. He’s already come into contact with Nadia, but then again she was already part of his life in both realities. If it must be someone who “wasn’t mean to be” then I imagine he’ll have to encounter Shannon in the alternate reality since he was starting to have feelings for her just before getting shot on the island. And finally for Ben… well, I’m not so sure he’s part of the bigger plan. Anyway, that’s my crazy theory for the week. What are yours?

S6E10 - Happily Ever After

Maybe it’s the nice weather we’re having or the fact that I’m going to a Braves/Cubs game tonight, but I’m in the mood to recap using baseball terminology.

At Bat this episode… Desmond!

Desmond wakes up, thinking he’s still in the hospital, but Widmore throws him a curve ball, saying he’s back on the island. He says, “The island isn’t done with you yet.” Well lah-dee-freakin-dah. I guess the island is used to getting what it wants. I think it’s interesting throughout the show they’ve referred to what Jacob wants and what the island wants, but I wonder if those two things are interchangeable? I believe it’s been said here before, but it seems there is a higher power at work. Higher than Jacob or Flocke. Obviously they are bound by rules so there must be a rule-maker, right? Perhaps that ghost kid that appeared to Flocke? Anyway, just thinking out loud.

Jin wants to know what’s going on and Widmore says it would be easier to show him and orders “the test” to start immediately. After a few mechanical glitches, an extra goes down to check the “electromagnetic shack” as soon as someone turns the machine on. Three strikes and he’s out. Needless to say, Desmond doesn’t look too stoked to play along. After strapping Desmond in the chair, Widmore says after it’s all done he’ll have to make a sacrifice bunt for the home team. Soon after, he reveals to Jin that he wants to see if Desmond can survive (another) catastrophic electromagnetic event. He flips the switch as Desmond is bathed in light, then flash…

Desmond has landed at LAX and shares an exchange with Claire, asking if it’s a boy or girl in her dugout. He offers her a ride, but she politely declines. And speaking of rides, his limo driver is none other than George Minkowski, the communication specialist from the freighter that died of a brain aneurism just before Desmond made a life-saving phone call to his stabilizing constant, Penny. He drives Desmond to the office where we experience a significant change up in the form of a hug from his boss, Widmore. They even share a glass of his 60 year-old scotch that in Desmond’s first flashback, Widmore said he wasn’t good enough to have.

Widmore tasks Desmond with babysitting none other than Charlie and after Desmond picks him up from the station, Charlie tries to orchestrate his own hit and run. After his confession in the bar, perhaps it’s not too surprising that Charlie cares so little about “this” life. He thinks there’s a hot blonde waiting for him in the afterlife. I guess that’s just a bleed over memory of the reality we know, because technically he’s dead. Charlie redoubles his efforts when he grabs the wheel of the car and attempts to hit a foul ball into the waterfront. Fortunately, Desmond saves him, but not before getting flashes of “Not Penny’s Boat” from the reality “A.”

At the hospital, Desmond’s put in an MRI. I thought this would jog him back to the island, but instead he gets thrown a fast ball of “alternate” memories. Mostly about Penny. He freaks and encounters Jack while searching for Charlie, who soon runs by in a flattering hospital gown. Desmond confronts him about Penny and Charlie realizes he hit a home run in his attempt to “show” Desmond his alternate life.

Widmore scolds Desmond for being in a slump and sends him to apologize to Mrs. Widmore (ie. Eloise Hawking). Even though it’s the bottom of the ninth, she doesn’t seem to mind Charlie’s last minute disappearance. In fact, she seems too cool with it. When Desmond overhears Penny’s name on the guest list and demands to see it, that’s when things start to get freaky. Eloise shoos her servants and says someone has “affected the way he sees things,” and that’s a problem. She tells him to stop looking for whatever he’s looking for and goes on to say she doesn’t know why he’s looking for anything considering the perfect game he’s got going. Finally, when he insists on seeing the list she says he’s “not ready for the list.” WHAT THE FO? Just like in Desmond’s first flashback years ago, Eloise shows up and seems to know WAY more than she should to the point of reprimanding him for trying to change his fate. What gives? To my knowledge, he’s the only one who can time travel or go between realities, though Charlie and Daniel are starting to get glimpses. At any rate, instead of a glimpse, she seemed to have the full picture. Very interesting…

Daniel invites Desmond for a seventh inning stretch after overhearing the conversation with his mother and explains that a case of love at first sight has opened his eyes to an alternate reality. You can write all the equations you want, dude, but that seems just a touch cheeseball. At any rate, I think it’s interesting that the two people (besides Desmond who is “special”) that have had “visions” of reality “A” are both dead. Maybe being dead in one or the other allows you to see what’s going on in the counterpart. Anyway, Desmond asks what it has to do with him and Daniel says he must have felt it too if he’s asking about Penny. Apparently he’s aware that Penny is his half-sister in this reality and sends Desmond off like a stalker to meet her. She’s at the same stadium Desmond was when he met Jack and she’s also running the steps. He sees her and is instantly choked up. They shake hands, he faints, and…

Wakes up back on the island. The bases are loaded and Widmore tries to explain why he did what he did, but Desmond is in the zone, saying whatever important thing he’s there to do, he’s ready to start. Zoe leads him away, questioning why he’s suddenly so cooperative just as Sayid pops up and kills one of the security team members and tells Zoe to run. He explains to Desmond that these are bad people and he needs to come with him to which Desmond replies, “Of course, lead the way.” Talk about a change in perspective. Any ideas what’s going on with him? I mean, it’s great that he caught a glimpse of his what-if life with Penny, but he STILL has a life (and son) with her in this one so I’m not sure why he’s all eager to help Widmore. And if he is ready to help, why the nonchalance about switching teams?

In the closer, we’re treated to one final flash where Desmond comes to and asks Penny out for coffee (who doesn’t seem to be weirded out that he knew her name and where she’d be). He goes back to the limo and asks George for the Oceanic 815 manifest, claiming that he wants to “show them something.” This part was also a little strange to me. I guess Desmond’s new mission in the flashsideways is to wake everyone up to the realization of their alternate lives, just as Charlie “showed him” his own?

All in all a very interesting episode. I can’t even wrap my head around some of the thoughts I had, especially in regards to the conversation with Eloise. What are your theories?

On Deck for next week looks like Hurley!

S6E9 - The Package

Has anyone ever watched the movie "Lost in Translation"? It was a big deal a few years back, but I found it kind of... meh. At any rate, that theme seems to work for this episode on a number of levels. So may I present...

LOST (in translation)*
*sponsored by Google Translate (http://translate.google.com.au)

The following represents useful phrases (presented phonetically) for any Korean travelers planning a trip to their local mysterious island or alternate timeline.

jebal nal gakkaun byeong-won-e jigjeob.
Please direct me to the nearest hospital.

Flocke advises Jin to let his leg wound "air out" while revealing that he needs all of the remaining candidates to leave the island with him. It's evident he can't just outright kill them (like he couldn't outright kill Jacob) so I guess this yet another aspect to the mysterious "rules" that govern them.

naega nae don dollyeodo doelkkayo?
May I have my money back?

So, was Jin not aware of the money cap or is he just a bad smuggler? I smuggled souvenirs made from alpaca wool through customs once. Granted, not the same as twenty-five grand, but I'm just sayin'...

i yeojaga nae anaegadoeji anhseubnida.
This woman is not my wife.

I'm not sure if this was something revealed in the brief clip we saw of them being held up at customs in the season premiere, but this episode confirms alternate Jin and Sun are unmarried and under the covers undercover.

naega dateue uihae salhaedanghaessseubnida.
I have been shot by a dart.

Jin gets fed up with playing wait-and-see and decides to take matters into his own hands and--OOPS!... kidnapped by the others... uh, that is... Widmore's others.

nae tomato sigmul-i jug-eoss-eoyo.
My tomato plants are dead.

For some reason I like it when Sun gets all fired-up. Like her hubby, she's also tired of waiting around and stabbed that table in frustration before fleeing to the sanctuary of her old garden. Jack tries to cheer her up (I guess) with his story about the lighthouse, but she ain't havin' it.

chicka hwal wau wau.
Bow chicka wow wow.

So instead of making good on his missed restaurant meeting, Jin decides to stay behind for a little sump'n sump'n. You know it's love when you can take a borderline male chauvinist comments and turn it into a strip tease.

josimhae teuli!
Watch out for that tree!

Flocke offers to reunite Sun with her husband, but she doesn't trust him and high tails it outta there and knocks herself unconscious. Yeah, good call trying to outrun the super-fast evil smoke monster.

banghaehaji masibsio.
Do not disturb.

I know Keamy's a pushy bad guy and Sun is nice (when she's not stabbing innocent tables), but she could have at least offered a token "Don't come in."

anio yeong-eo.
No English.

So, Sun bumps her head and can't speak English anymore, oh wait... but conveniently understands it? Jack can call it aphasia or diaper rash for all I care... I'm just wondering what the point is. I don't think Sun speaks English in the flashsideways so could it be another example of the two realities "merging" just like Jack's appendectomy that he had on the island, but couldn't remember in the alternate timeline? Interesting.

dodaeche naega eodiibnikka?
Where the hell am I?

Jin wakes up in that weird video room that they stuck Alex's boyfriend in a few seasons back. Remember that? That was messed up. Zoe (the intrepid Geophysicist) calls it Room 23 and says it's where Dharma was doing some subliminal experimentation. So I guess Ben's group of others just recycled it as a good old-fashioned torture room? Doesn't sound very Jacob-sanctioned, now does it?

dangsin-i moglog-e eobs-eo.
You're not on the list.

Claire asks Flocke if she's on the list. He says no, but assures her he'll still get her off the island. When she asks about Kate he says he needs her too, but after she's done helping him convince the other three candidates to join them, "Whatever happens, happens." To me, this is the first Evil red flag the Man In Black has raised... well, if you don't count mass murder. But if you think about it, so far he's been (seemingly) straight forward with everyone, which is more than I can say for Jacob. The truth can be very seductive. I think that's what makes him such a compelling bad guy. He just tells you everything... minus the part where if you follow him you'll release hell on earth.

dambae goemul chinhwajeog-inga?
Is the smoke monster friendly?

Sawyer: "Why are you taking the boat? Can't you just turn into smoke and fly over there?"
Flocke: "If I could, why would I still be on the island?"
Sawyer: "You're right. That would just be ridiculous."

Ha! Priceless Sawyer comment. And nice to know the writers aren't above poking fun at themselves, because seriously... it is a little ridiculous.

hyeongeum jigeubgi
ATM

Sun tells Keamy (via their translator) that she can pay him the money with funds from her personal bank account. While I was watching I kept thinking the translator was someone we knew and I just realized who it was... Mikhail (aka Eye Patch Guy!)

meolli cheoltab-eseo tteol-eojyeo.
Step away from the pylon.

Flocke pays Widmore a visit and Widmore says besides not being John Locke, the only thing he knows about him is from myth. I'm too lazy and not quite geeky enough to pour through ancient mythologies, but I'm guessing he's supposed to be somebody from back when Hercules was in high school.

bihaeng-gie pogtan-iya.
There's a bomb on the plane.

Richard suggests blowing up the plane to prevent Flocke from leaving the island (that's the brilliant plan?), but Sun gives him a Korean tongue-lashing that he won't soon forget.

jeoldaelo boseuui ttal jago.
Never sleep with the boss's daughter.

Sun discovers her bank account has been closed while Keamy reveals that the money Jin was to deliver was the bounty on his own head. What? Not enough hit men in Korea? Not to question Mr. Paik's brilliant criminal mind, but doesn't this plan seem a little complicated?

gwihaui paekijileul boyeo jwoyo.
Show me your package.

Widmore shows Jin a few digital photos of little Ji Yeon and says that she along with everyone else will "cease to be" if Flocke is allowed to escape. Then he offers to show Jin the package claiming it's not a what, but a who. Anyway, I thought the term "cease to be" was an interesting one. It sounds less like hell and more like this time line will end if he's allowed to escape. And this leads me to an interesting revelation. After Jacob told Richard that the island was a "cork" keeping evil in a bottle, then the alternate timeline is theoretically evil uncorked! Since the island is essentially gone in the flashsideways, that must mean we're looking at evil "unleashed" on the world. I must say, minus Sun's unfortunate gunshot wound at the end, everyone is having a pretty awesome time in "hell" so far.

naega deogteu teipeuui mas-eul silh-eo.
I hate the taste of duct tape.

Sayid gives Jin a utility knife and he frees himself in time to take out Mikhail, but unfortunately Sun (and mayhap alternate Ji Yeon) is caught in the crossfire.

nal mid-eo, nan uisa yeyo.
Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Sun appologizes to Jack and he promises her that he'll do everything he can to reunite her with Jin and get them off the island. Interesting note, he specially said, "get you off the island," not "us." He seemed to purposefully leave himself out of that sentence as if he's already planning on staying behind.

nan bimil-eul joh-ahaji anh-a.
I don't like secrets.

This is what Flocke said to Sawyer about what was on the sub and in the end it is revealed. Desmond! $5 to everyone that called that. Is this number 108 (Wallace) that Jacob was referring to? And how/why is he Widmore's "secret weapon"? He's been told by a few folks that he's special and "the rules" don't apply to him. I've always assumed that was the time travelling rules, but who knows? Maybe he can also nosebleed his way between the alternate realities. A "loophole" for the good guys just like smokie's "loophole" to kill Jacob?

Anyway, that's all she wrote. What did you think?

S6E8 - Ab Aeterno

So, Richard’s past is revealed along with a few other tidbits. I must say, his story was had it all: love, murder, slavery, shipwrecks, treachery, tragedy, and even “the devil.” It seems like an epic or perhaps… a musical.

ACT 1
[Curtains open to reveal RICARDOS standing over the bed of his beloved ISABELLA.]

“Close Your Eyes”
RICARDOS: “My love, my life! You must hold on. I can save you by the end of this song. Together we can defeat this beast. I’ll get a doctor—”
ISABELLA: “I need a priest.”
RICARDOS: “No, stay strong! Speak not that way. The journey is but half a day.”
ISABELLA: “We’ll always be together, just close your eyes.”
RICARDOS: “I’ll make it through this weather, don’t close your eyes.”
[RICARDOS rides a stick horse to stage left where a DOCTOR is eating his dinner.]
RICARDOS: “Pardon the intrusion, but this is killing me. My wife, she coughs up blood.”
DOCTOR: “Sounds like TB.”
RICARDOS: “Good sir, I beg please save her. Is there any way?”
DOCTOR: “Medicine, I have. But you must pay.”
RICARDOS: “This is everything I own.”
DOCTOR: “It’s not enough, so leave.”
RICARDOS: “Sir, I beg your mercy. Please!”
DOCTOR: “Go home now to grieve.”
[The DOCTOR and RICARDOS stage fight until the DOCTOR dies from a fatal head bump.]
[RICARDOS takes the medicine and rides a stick horse to stage right.]
RICARDOS: “I’ll make it through this weather, don’t close your eyes.”
ISABELLA: “We’ll always be together, just close your eyes.”
[RICARDOS arrives too late and there is much weeping as the lights dim.]

[Lights come up to reveal RICARDOS in a prison cell.]

“Forgiven”
PRIEST: “I bring you food. And a last chance to repent.”
RICARDOS: “Father, I killed a man. But it was an accident.”
PRIEST: “This sin has stained your soul. It cannot be forgiven.”
RICARDOS: “Is there time for penance?”
PRIEST: “No, for soon you won’t be livin.”
[Guards remove RICARDOS from the cell and he is escorted to the gallows.]
WHITFIELD: “Is this the man you spoke of? His teeth, they look quite nice.”
PRIEST: “Yes, and he speaks English too. Now let us talk of price.”
RICARDOS: “To sell a man into slavery? It cannot be forgiven!”
PRIEST: “Considering the alternative, it’s ‘Thanks’ you should be givin.”

[A chorus line of slaves walk onstage and RICARDOS is chained to the floor with them.]

“The New World”
SLAVES: “The New World. A true world. A red, white, and blue world.”
RICARDOS: “The Old World. A cold world. Your wife dies then your sold world.”
[Long cardboard cutouts of waves slide back and forth across stage front.]
SLAVES: “The tale you tell is older than old. A tragic life, not much to behold. Why not join our happier view, of a world both bright and new?”
RICARDOS: “While your optimism keeps me level, on the horizon I see the devil. So hold on tight as we are all hurled, towards our fates on this new world.”
[Waves become violent, lights begin to flicker, and the cutout of an island with a palm tree rolls behind them.]
SLAVES: “A new world? We’re screwed world. We bid you fond adieu, world!”
RICARDOS: “The Old World. A cold world. Your life dies then your sold world.”

[Curtains close. End of ACT 1.]

INTERMISSION
Not much to report in Act 1, besides the campfire powwow in the very beginning. Apparently Jacob tasked Ilana to protect the remaining six (now five) candidates. I’d still like to know what happened to land her in the hospital, but perhaps another time. The bigger reveal is that Richard is the one who knows what to do next.

ACT 2
[Curtains open to reveal RICARDOS and the SLAVES lying chained on the floor.]

“The Devil Awaits”
SLAVES: “God has saved us! Sing and rejoice!”
RICARDOS: “Wait! Above us, I hear a voice.”
WHITFIELD: “We’ve crashed.”
SLAVES: “No duh.”
WHITFIELD: “We’re on our own.”
SLAVES: “Every man is an island.”
RICARDOS: “Every man is alone.”
WHITFIELD: “Our precious resources cannot go to waste. Prepare your souls, men… the Devil awaits.”
[WHITFIELD runs through SLAVES with his sword until only RICARDOS remains.]
RICARDOS: “Why do you do this? Please, set me free!”
WHITFIELD: “And if I did? Then what about me? In a matter of time, you’d hunt me down.”
RICARDOS: “Wait! Above us, I hear a sound.”
WHITFIELD: “Don’t try to distract me. You must die with haste.”
RICARDOS: “Prepare your soul, sir… the Devil awaits.”
[WHITFIELD is enveloped by a fog machine and is lifted offstage.]
ISABELLA: “Ricardos, my love!”
RICARDOS: “You have returned!”
ISABELLA: “But hurry we must or soon we’ll be burned.”
RICARDOS: “What’s this you speak of?”
ISABELLA: “The Devil. He’s here!”
RICARDOS: “Run then, and leave me!”
ISABELLA: “I cannot my dear!”
RICARDOS: “Please do not argue, he’ll surely give chase.”
ISABELLA: “Prepare your soul, love… the Devil awaits.”
[ISABELLA runs off stage right and screams. MAN_IN_BLACK enters stage right.]
MAN_IN_BLACK: “I brought you some water.”
RICARDOS: “You’ve saved my life!”
MAN_IN_BLACK: “I’m sorry to say not the same for your wife.”
RICARDOS: “She said we’re in hell. Can this be real?”
MAN_IN_BLACK: “Yes.”
RICARDOS: “But how?”
MAN_IN_BLACK: “First, let’s make a deal. This knife will kill Him if you stab in the right place. Prepare your soul, Richard… the Devil awaits.”
[MAN_IN_BLACK sets RICARDOS free and they exit stage right.]

[RICARDOS enters from stage left. A large stone foot has been rolled onstage. JACOB sits alone on the big toe.]

“Jacob’s Song”
JACOB: “How sad that Jacob’s life is like this sea storm ruined shore.”
RICARDOS: “Be this beast or man who speaks in silly metaphors?”
JACOB: “Stop! Who goes there, Jacob asks?”
RICARDOS: “Speak not, you Prince of Hell!”
JACOB: “Is that what someone told you? For Jacob knows that liar well.”
[JACOB and RICARDOS struggle and JACOB beats him soundly.]
RICARDOS: “Who are you then?”
JACOB: “I’m Jacob, my friend. How ‘bout some wine and pork?”
RICARDOS: “Explain and don’t dawdle.”
JACOB: “Evil’s like this bottle, and the island is like a cork.”
RICARDOS: “I wish you’d speak straight, it’s getting quite late and your metaphors make me sob.”
JACOB: “Jacob grows tired and is looking to hire and wonders if you need a job.”

[Lights dim and come up to reveal RICARDOS with a haircut and a nicer shirt, kneeling alone.]

“Close Your Eyes (refrain)”
RICARDOS: “I quit! I quit! I hate this work. I’m tired of being Jacob’s clerk. For countless years I’ve done as he’s said and now my boss, he’s dead! He’s dead!”
[HURLEY and ISABELLA enter from stage left.]
HURLEY: “Dude, don’t quit. You know the plan.”
RICARDOS: “I’d rather go work for the other man.”
HURLEY: “She wants to know why you buried her cross.”
RICARDOS: “What do you know of my long ago loss?”
HURLEY: “She sent me to find you so I can translate, that she thinks your English accent is great.”
RICARDOS: “Is it true? Can it be? I’m tired of lies.”
HURLEY: “She said you’ve suffered enough, just close your eyes.”
[RICARDOS weeps and puts her crucifix back around his neck.]
HURLEY: “Oh, and she says if you don’t stop the man in black from leaving the island then we’re all going to hell.”

[Curtains close. End of ACT 2.]


Well, that’s it. A decent story filling in a few things we already suspected. The most interesting part of the second half is Jacob’s explanation about bringing people to the island. The man in black thinks man in sinful by nature and Jacob brings them there to prove he’s wrong. Of course, everyone Jacob’s brought there is now dead so I’m not sure how successful he’s been at proving his point. Jacob cannot bring his wife back, or forgive him of his sins, but he can conveniently grant him immortality. Weird, but I’ll go with it. Also, Jacob is reluctant to hand-hold everyone he brings to the island and wants them to “do good” all on their own so appoints Richard as his liaison, which we kind of already knew was his job. So what does that leave us with? Just the solidification of the knowledge that anyone ever coming to the island has been brought there by Jacob. Also, they are all part of an elaborate demonstration that humanity is, by nature, good (or can at least overcome it’s not-so-good nature). His appointment of Richard as his “mouth piece” is strongly symbolic of Christianity’s Holy Trinity. Jacob = God the Father, Richard = Conscience / The Holy Spirit, and that just leaves Jesus, the Son. I guess that would be whichever of the candidates is “the one.”

Anyway, I’ll leave the theological debates up to you. The metaphor was just too strong to ignore. All and all a decent episode, I think.

S6E7 - Recon

While we are temptingly close to St. Patrick's Day, I don't feel like reheating last year's recap leftovers. However, I'm not beyond some bawdy poetry from the motherland... the limerick. Be forewarned, as is typical with limericks, some of these may delve into a PG-13 rating. (That's as far as I can go and still get past your spam blockers...)

There once was a man named James
Who loved to play con artist games.
"I'm running late, honey--
--Oops, look at my money!"
But this time things weren't quite the same.

A nice twist in the opener. Sawyer running his old con, except this time he's on the side of the law. Once again, there is a significant difference in a character's flashsideways. He claimed that at one point in his life he could have either been a criminal or a cop, and he chose cop. The only time we've seen Jacob interact with little James was when he offered him a pen after his mother's funeral (presumably the infamous pen he used to write his "revenge letter" to the real Sawyer), but surely THAT is not the turning point he was talking about. Without a writing utensil, would he have not written that letter, so it wouldn't have later acted as a "straw that broke the camel's back" in making said cop/criminal decision? Or has Jacob influenced everyone (candidates and non-candidates alike) in ways we have yet to see? Whatever... that's all conjecture. I think the interesting point here is that while his life has taken a different path, part of his soul remains the same (the dark part that wants to avenge his parents).

There once was a man named Locke
Who permanently punched the clock.
And I tell you know joke
When I say he's now smoke,
Who just wants to get off this darn rock.

So Flocke comes clean with Sawyer about being the smoke monster. I'm sorry, buy why is no one freaked out about that? Anyway, he says it's kill or be killed which is why he dispatched everyone at the temple that opposed him. Beg your pardon, but you've had bullets bounce off you plus Sayid freakin' stabbed you in the chest and you didn't die, and now you're trying to say that you would be in danger if you had let those people live??? Riiiight...

There once was a guy named Miles Straum
Whose abilities were totally the bomb.
The recently dead
Could speak in his head.
But in reality B, they're all gone.

Of course we didn't get his perspective, but Miles seemed pretty... normal in his flashsideways. Of course maybe he still had his abilities and similar to Sawyer was at one point faced with the decision to either use it for the greater good or personal gain. Anyway, an interesting parallel partnership and fitting since they worked Dharma security together. Miles seems a touch more standup in his what-if life. Actually, it seems like everyone's what-ifs are kind of for the better so far. Sawyer has a legit job in law enforcement. Jack has a son. Locke has Helen (and a potentially functional relationship with his father). Sayid has Nadia (sort of... at least she's not dead). Though we've seen him only indirectly, Hurley seems fairly happy. And though Jin doesn't look so great the last we saw him, I wouldn't be surprised if things get better for him in the alternate reality as well. Anyway, just an observation... My theory: EVERYONE DIES in the end and they get to merge with their better-off what-ifs as a pseudo-afterlife.

There once was a woman named Charlotte
Who's hair was the color of scarlet.
She dug through a drawer
Then got tossed like a whore,
Which you deserve when you dress like a harlot.

I was thinking maybe, Miles's "friend" was going to be Juliet (I'm still waiting for her to pop up, but it probably won't be until the end of the season). But I guess it makes a certain sense (or at least "fits") that it was Charlotte since she and him and Faraday were all freighter mates.

There once was a woman named Claire.
And I strongly advise you beware:
If she's holding a knife
Better pray for your life,
'Cause her sanity's up in the air.

Yeah, definitely crazy. Holding hands with Kate one minute, a knife to her throat the next. I was kind of surprised by Flocke's reaction--smack!--especially considering his seeming displeasure with Kate tagging along, but he seems to be quite the benevolent leader. His heart-to-heart with Kate was quite revealing. We already know he was a "real man" at one point, but he speaks of having a disturbed mother and compares his trauma to what Aaron might have to face. Is he trying to play Kate and Claire against each other? Well, if that's his plan, it's stalled for now as Claire tearfully apologizes to Kate towards the end. Sorry, Claire, but if it's all the same to you, I won't be voluntarily accepting any "hugs" from you for a while.

There once was a man named Sayid
Who's a bit of a trick to read.
He wants back the life
Of his lovely late wife.
And now he seems evil, indeed.

And what was up with that? He seemed chillingly nonresponsive to Claire's attempt on Kate's life. I know he's kind of "gone over" if you will, but I was thinking it was just for the promise of seeing Nadia again (while still caring about his friends). Hmmm... not so much.

There once was a woman named Zoe
Who wanted to go for a row-y,
But there went the fun
When Ford pulled a gun
And now she ain't gonna go-y.

(Hey... YOU try making it work.) Anyway, I was suspicious of her from the get go. I'm assuming the dead bodies were other Ajira survivors, but I'm wondering whodunit. I'm assuming it was Flocke, but maybe not. Ilana had some of her crew with her on the flight, but I thought they all went over to the main island. If there was anyone left on "Hydra Island" it would have been just regular Ajira survivors, right? And why would anyone want to kill them? Maybe they just died naturally. I don't know if that's important or not, but it leads in to my next, bigger question.

There once was a man named Widmore
Who showed up in a sub close to shore.
He's got a few hatches
Locked up with latches
And I bet they have to do with "the war."

And that big question is... Who's side is who on? If Widmore wants Flocke dead, that would insinuate that he's on Jacob's side. He was at odds with Ben in the past and Ben even killed Jacob at one point, but it would seem that Ben at least temporarily is on team Jacob as well. Ilana seems to be all that remains of her pro-Jacob crew and Richard is on Jacob's side, though perhaps unsteadily so. Anyway, it's just adding up to everyone against Flocke and his ragtag band of followers. It's interesting that Widmore denied responsibility for the freighter. More accurately, he denied trying to "kill everyone," claiming how little Sawyer understands. To assume there are weapons in that locked area is too easy. If it is a weapon, I'm assuming it's something that can kill Flocke. My bet is it's Wallace!!

There once was a chick named Kate
Who everyone wanted to date,
But I really don't get
Why they think she's the @#$%.
Compared to some, she's just not that great.

Not to be a Kate-hater, but what's her purpose now? She found Claire who is clearly wackadoo. Good job. Now what? Did she think rescuing Claire from an island so difficult to find that you have to orchestrate a plane crash to get on or bend the space-time contiuum to get off would be as easy as picking up a friend on your way to a Sunday matinee? Good job leaving Aaron with Grandma Littleton, now he has zero mommies. Even though Flocke may be trying to sew seeds of doubt with Kate, he was totally right. Claire is a nutcase and even if she were reunited with her son, it might be too late for her sanity. Anyway, in the end she asks Sawyer why he's running errands for "Locke" and he basically says he's playing both sides and plans to steal the sub while everyone is distracted. Great idea... now all you need is to steal a submarine pilot while you're at it.

***

All in all, a pretty good episode. WAY better than last week's. And speaking of which, did you catch the preview for next week? A Richard episode! I'm not holding my breath, though. He had his own episode last year and it told us diddly squat. But seriously, if he's not a prime vehicle to fill in some major questions/mysteries/gaps, I don't know who is.

Any new ideas based on what came up in this week's episode?

S6E6 - Dr. Linus

Okay. Is it just me or was this episode a little... underwhelming? I mean, we got a couple of answers, but I guess I was expecting more from a Benjamin Linus episode. Or shall I say...

DOCTOR LINUS

DEGREE: European History

SCHOOL: University of Boooooring

STRENGTH: Caring for others

WEAKNESS: Blackmail

Seriously. Ben's flashsideways had after-school special written all over it. He's the only one who truly cares about the students. He's pigeon-holed by the evil principal. He hatches a plan to become the new principal then changes his mind when he realizes it may hurt one student's bright future. Yawn fest. The student was Alex, but by now we're used to significant people from the "main" reality popping up in each other's what-ifs. Looks like instead of being stranded on the island during her science expedition, Rousseau wound up living in the good ol' U S of A and is working two jobs just to keep a roof over her daughter's head. (I wonder if she had to wind up shooting her baby daddy, just like in reality A?) Anyway, all I can say is, she must have been a pretty crappy scientist if she has to pull two paychecks to make ends meet.

I suppose the point of the flashsideways was to parallel his life on the island and to make up for her inadvertent sacrifice by sacrificing himself (sort of). While touching, I feel like we could have gotten a little more meat to go with that one scrawny side dish. The only thing worthwhile was his dad's lamentation about leaving the island, a half-explanation of how Ben is still alive. Again though, I wonder if that was before or after the bomb? You would think that any alterations to the timeline began once the bomb was detonated and rippled outwards after that, but I'm just going to chalk this up to timetravelsucks and move on. Nice to see that yet another father/son relationship (Locke's too?) is better off with the island at the bottom of the ocean. And by better off, I mean Ben hasn't trapped him in a van filled with deadly gas yet. As a matter of fact, I just realized he is keeping him alive through the use of a gas in reality B (nice touch, writers).

(Sidenote: What is the modern day equivalent of an "after-school special" anyway? Is that what the ABC Family channel is for or maybe one out of any four movies featured on Lifetime?)

DOCTOR ARZT

DEGREE: Science Education

SCHOOL: ITT Tech

STRENGTH: Not blowing up

WEAKNESS: Shady parking spaces

Speaking of other characters... with only 9 episodes left, it seems like it's just enough time to feature everyone twice. Let's see... we've already had Jack, Locke, Kate, and Sayid. We had the one in the beginning with everyone then this Ben one (whose story doesn't seem to extend in interest beyond the end of this episode) bringing us to episode 6. So we've got Hurley and Jin/Sun left. Once they've been featured (presumably episode 7 and 8), everyone (minus Ben) has a chance to have one more episode about them until the finale. Sorry, this is me just thinking out loud. I seriously have little to say about this episode.

DOCTOR SCHOLLS

DEGREE: Advanced Foot Technology

SCHOOL: University of KickingAssAndTakingNames

STRENGTH: Arch support

WEAKNESS: Unexplainable odors

Ilana and her crew decided to "get back to the basics" and go for a long walk on the beach. Literally. Let's see, from this bit of the show we've got Miles telling Ben that Jacob "hoped he was wrong" about him just before he plunged the knife into his heart. Hmmm... so I still wonder if Jacob dying was all part of his "bigger plan." I mean, you've gotta think he saw it coming to some degree if he's gone through the trouble of finding his replacement, right? Of course Ilana's none too happy about learning of Ben's involvement claiming Jacob was the closest thing to a father she had. We're going to almost have to see an Ilana flashback at some point, right? Remember last season when Jacob approached her in a clinic while she was recovering from who-knows-what all wrapped up in bandages and he asked her for help? That seemed too significant to just let go. Maybe we'll get another Jacob episode to fill in the gaps... fingers crossed. Anyway, Fake Locke offers Ben escape from Ilana, but oddly not escape from the island. Apparently once Fake Locke leaves, someone still needs to remain "in charge" of the island. How's that for a new twist? I'm assuming he's not referring to the candidates since Ben is not one. Anyway, Fake Locke has been exhibiting a let's-blow-this-popsicle-stand mentality, so the fact that he even cares about what happens after he leaves is surprising. Of course that is assuming he was telling the truth and not just sweet talking Ben. Part of me thinks he was blowing smoke (no pun intended) up his butt, but it's hard not to believe the one person offering relatively straight answers.

DOCTOR ZHIVAGO

DEGREE: Internal Medicine

SCHOOL: School of Hard Knocks

STRENGTH: Poetry

WEAKNESS: The ladies

If you like love triangles, this book/film is a classic. The story of a love-torn man set against the backdrop of war-torn Russia. I, for one, am glad that the Jack/Kate/Sawyer triangle is on the back burner this season. I'll allow perhaps two minutes of dialogue to wrap up whatever angst they need to wrap up and be done with it. I never fully bought into Jack/Kate and I totally prefer Sawyer/Juliet. What? How does that relate to this episode? Good question.

DOCTOR KEVORKIAN

DEGREE: Pathology

SCHOOL: University of Michigan Medical School

STRENGTHS: Oil painting, Jazz music

WEAKNESS: "Early Mortality Assistance"

So, one of maybe two big reveals for me was Richard's explanation of Jacob's "gift". Apparently he does not age because he was touched by Jacob. Now that seems pretty interesting, especially given that we saw Jacob touch his candidates a few episodes ago, though I can't recall if he touched little Kate or not in last season's finale. Either way, apparently this doesn't grant immortality since Richard can die, he just can't do it himself. Gee thanks, Jacob, but what good is immortality if ANYONE CAN KILL ME, BUT ME? Another thing I found pretty telling was his reaction when he entered the Black Rock and his answer when Jack asked if he'd been there before. I think it's a fairly safe assumption that he was part of the original crew (or perhaps a slave) on the ship when it first came ashore.

DOCTOR MOREAU

DEGREE: Veterinarian

SCHOOL: Cayman Island Medical

STRENGTH: Vivisection

WEAKNESS: Animal-hybrid revolts

If you like shipwrecks on islands where all sorts of mysterious experiments are taking place, this book/film is a classic. What? Oh yeah... the recap.

DOCTOR SHEPARD

DEGREE: Spinal Surgery

SCHOOL: Reluctant Leader Institute

STRENGTH: Obsession with fixing things

WEAKNESS: Obsession with fixing things

Very interesting change of heart for Jack, though I guess it's less of a change of heart and more of a culmination of the last season and a half. He had one leg on the destiny wagon last season, trying to convince everyone that they needed to return to the island, but his little speech to Richard and trick with the dynamite seemed to seal the deal. He's been hitting the Destiny Juice hard since the Lighthouse and there's no turning back for him now.

With Jack/Hurley/Richard popping up at the end, looks like we're seeing the beginnings of a mini-reunion at the beach. Sorry Richard and Ben... no hugs for you. The last and maybe biggest reveal of the episode is at the very end. Widmore has found the island and apparently has a plan to do... something. Any ideas? Oh, and is

it just me or is this season just a lot of walking and talking with the "good stuff" packed into the last two minutes?

DOCTOR WHO

DEGREE: Sonic Screwdriver Operations

SCHOOL: Time Lord University

STRENGTHS: Two hearts, Twelve lives

WEAKNESS: Human sentimentality

If you like time travel... okay okay...

Again, between Jacob's manipulations and Fake Locke's promise-you-the-world attitude, I'm thinking they're both bad news at the end of the day. My hope is the LOSTies get fed up on both ends and join forces, maybe have a peaceful protest back at the beach. Hmm... protest posters... if next week's episode is as blah as this one, I think that would be quite a fitting recap theme. Until then...