Wednesday, February 10, 2010

S6E2 - What Kate Does

Let’s get right to it. We are only a few days removed from Super Bowl XLIV and the (dare I say) underdog victory of the Saints over the Colts so I shall recap in stereotypical football commentator style.

COIN TOSS
REF: “Heads is the LOSTies. Tails is The Others. And the toss is—oops. Looks like it landed in that bubbling spring of murky water in the center of the temple that perhaps infected Sayid with Evil. Anyone want to go in and fetch it… anyone…?”
BOB: “The LOSTies barely squeaked into this game and are clearly looking like the underdogs. Apparently, the opposing team took them hostage just before the National Anthem and dragged them to the field at gunpoint. This team of survivors also has to account for a serious injury of one of their star wide receivers, Sayid Jarrah.”
BILL: “Serious injury, Bob? The man was shot and later confirmed as dead.”
BOB: “True, a testament to his fighting spirit. And it appears to have really unsettled The Others. Looks like we’re going to have quite a game on our hands this evening.”
BILL: “I think it unsettled everyone, Bob.”


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VOICE OVER: “Has this ever happened to you?”
[shot of handcuffed felon hijacking a woman’s cab at gun point]
FELON: “Get out!”
WOMAN: “Hey wait, I need my suitcase!”
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[shot of Taxi pulling back up to curb]
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KICK OFF
BOB: “LOSTies win first pick after a round of rock/paper/scissors. They choose to receive, but it looks like they’re down two players early on. Jarrah has been tackled by The Others and it appears that James Ford has walked off the playing field.”
BILL: “And the losses keep coming, Bob. Kate Austen from Special Teams says she can track Ford and linebacker Jin Kwon volunteers to leave as well.”
BOB: “I have to say this is a devastating blow to the LOSTies this early on. Is there even a team left?”
BILL: “Well, let’s see, we’ve still got star quarterback and 5-time MVP Jack Shepherd. The well-loved defensive tackle Hurley “Hugo” Reyes and second string Miles Straume. Can this motley crew hold their team together? Stay tuned.”


SUPERBOWL AD – BabyBud
JINGLE:
(verse 1)
When you want to give up your baby
And you don’t know where to go
Just call some Americans and maybe
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But when things are going south
And they say they’ve changed their minds
Just put this in your mouth
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(chorus 1)
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(verse 2)
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(chorus 2)
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(bridge)
Your choice to drink is a bold one,
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(repeat chorus 1 and 2 then fade)


FIRST QUARTER
BOB: “And we’re back. Jarrah appears to be still in the game, but The Others are really putting the pressure on his recent injury.”
BILL: “Recent death, Bob.”
BOB: “Right, right. Looks like they are applying some type of torturing devices. Ouch! Is that in even legal?”
BILL: “Seems ironic given Jarrah’s past.”
REF: “Penalty. Offense. Application of torture. Five yard penalty.”
BOB: “No, the refs did not approve of that torturing move at all, but The Others are still within field goal range.”
BILL: “Looks like they’re going for it, Bob. LOSTies – 0. Others – 3.”


SUPERBOWL AD – Evil-B-Gone
[shot of two men sitting next to each other on a park bench]
MAN 1: “Hey, man. Has anyone ever told you you’ve been infected by evil?”
MAN 2: “Evil? Really? But I feel fine.”
MAN 1: “Well, sure, that’s how it starts. But evil is one of the leading silent killers among men ages 30 to 55. It typically begins in your intestines and works its way up to your heart.”
MAN 2: “Is it painful?”
MAN 1: “Not unless you’re very soul being suddenly erased is painful.” [shares an awkward laugh]
MAN 2: “Well what do I do? It sounds pretty serious.”
MAN 1: “Just take one of these. Evil-B-Gone.” [produces a large gray pill from his pocket]
MAN 2: “What’s in it?”
MAN 1: “Oh, you know… stuff.”
MAN 2: “No, seriously. What’s in it?”
MAN 1: “Uh… like herbs.”
MAN 2: “Oh, so it’s all-natural?”
MAN 1: “Sure. Here you go.”
MAN 2: [reaches out tentatively] “Wait a minute. Are there any side effects?”
MAN 1: “Mild headaches, heart palpitations, and in rare cases… dea—“ [pretends to cough]
MAN 2: “What was that last one?”
MAN 1: “Oh nothing. Bottoms up!”
[Disclaimer at bottom of screen reads: “Evil-B-Gone not legal in continental US.”]


SECOND QUARTER
BOB: “And we’re back in the second quarter with Kate Austen on the offensive.”
BILL: “Yes, she’s under heavy cover by two members of The Others defensive team, but she manages a fake that leaves them both incapacitated.”
BOB: “What’s with these traps on the playing field, Bill?”
BILL: “Well, Bob. I’m inclined to agree it’s a remnant of Rousseau’s heyday, but The Others seem to have their own theories.”
BOB: “Intriguing. More on that later, I assume. Looks like Kate and Jin’s escape scored them a touchdown, but Jin seems to have his own agenda.”
BILL: “Right, you are Bob. Loss of the extra point. LOSTies – 6. Others – 3.”


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[shot of doctor sitting in his office]
ETHAN: “Hi, I’m Ethan Goodspeed. You may remember me from an alternate timeline where I got caught up with some pretty shady people, but I’m here to clear things up.”
[stands and walks to a nursery window, behind which we see numerous babies swaddled in an array of pink and blue blankets]
ETHAN: “You see, in this reality, I’m actually a pretty decent guy. My bedside manner is top notch and no matter what you’ve heard on the Internet, I will not try to kidnap you and your baby.”
[shot of ETHAN holding a newborn, hands it over to a fatigued-looking mother, then gives the camera a thumbs up]
ETHAN: “I mean, sure I like babies. That’s why I chose this field of medicine. But believe me when I say that holding you captive against your will in a hidden medical station on a weirdo island and subjecting you to countless drug tests until your baby is born is the last thing on my mind.”
[turns back to new mother and child]
ETHAN: “Good job, mommy.”
VOICE OVER: “Ethan Goodspeed will NOT kidnap your baby. To schedule your appointment today call 1-800-4-8-15-16-23-42.”


HALF TIME SHOW
“The Who” – Performing Who Are You? in the Temple courtyard.
[all lyrics are the same as original with the exception of the chorus, which has been altered as follows:]

Whoooo are you smoke monster guy?
Who, who, who, who?
Whoooo are you smoke monster guy?
Who, who, who, who?

[many of The Others tap their feet and wave torches overhead, while their leader looks on in mild disapproval.]


THIRD QUARTER
BOB: “Well, Bill. The third quarter is off to a great start. Looks like Austen has successfully tracked Ford back to his once-home with last season’s all-star Juliet Burke.”
BILL: “Yes and what a shame her departure was, Bob. We can only hope to see more of her in the alternate timeline.”
BOB: “Alternate what?”
BILL: [looking exasperated] “Nevermind.”
BOB: “Well, a touching exchange between the two, but Austen just doesn’t seem to be able to convince Ford of joining forces.”
BILL: “Yes, a clear setback for the LOSTies here in the second half. Back at the temple now where quarterback Jack Shepherd goes for a long pass that’s intercepted by Asian wide receiver, Dogen.”
BOB: “What a turn around. We don’t know much about this Dogen character except that he also appears to be team captain of The Others.”
BILL: “Well, at least this group of them.”
BOB: “True. I wonder how this faction of The Others relates to kicker Richard Alpert under direction of the recently-deceased Special Teams coach Jacob?”
BILL: “No clue, Bob.”
BOB: “Oh, looks like another flag on the play.”
REF: “Penalty. Offense. Use of poison. LOSTies, automatic first down.”
BILL: “Whoa, poisoning the ball? That just seems low.”
BOB: “Not much time on the clock, Bill. LOSTies go for a field goal at the end of the third. LOSTies – 9. Others – 3.”


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SHAMWOW GUY: “That’s right. Wine, soda, pet urine, common sense… this towel soaks up EVERYTHING!”
MAN: “These people held me captive and almost killed my friend. Then they tortured him and shortly thereafter, tried to trick me into poisoning him. I asked them why, but then they used the ShamWow on me and—BAM!—it didn’t bother me anymore. They said my sister was ‘claimed’, whatever that means, and that got me pretty distracted. You’ve really gotta buy this product!”
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WOMAN: “Wow!”
MAN: “Yeah, uh… wow. Wait, does that mean my sister is evil now?”


FOURTH QUARTER
BOB: “The LOSTies advanced their lead at the end of the third, but it’s still anybody’s game.”
BILL: “That’s right, Bob. Only time for one final play from both sides here at the end.”
BOB: “Looks like it’s all going to come down to a face off between Jin Kwon and the two tight ends from The Others he’d managed to shake off earlier.”
BILL: “Whoa, gun on the field and The Others score a touchdown, tying up this game.”
BOB: “And what’s that? Did that guy from The Others say something about Jin potentially being ‘one of them?’ I think we’re going to need a big explanation on that one, Bill.”
BILL: “In due time, Bob… in due time.”
BOB: “The Others go for the extra point by shooting Kwon at point blank range and—OH! Unbelievable, Claire Littleton rushes from the sidelines and kills both members of the opposing team leaving it a tied game here at the end. LOSTies – 9. Others – 9.”


OVERTIME
So. Who wins in overtime? That’s anybody’s guess. To me, the two biggest questions came right there at the end. What did that “other” mean when he hesitated in killing Jin, saying he might be “one of them?”

Maybe there’s yet another Jacob list in circulation that details who needs to be protected and who is dispensable. Perhaps it even has something to do with the alternate timeline and what happens to them there, but it’s all too vague at this point to start any theories. The other interesting question is what really happened to Claire? The assumption was she joined The Others at the end of season 4, but then again we only saw her with Christian. And, as we know, the smoke monster (anti-Jacob) can take on the form of dead people, so maybe it was smokie tricking her all along. It will be interesting to see what her story is and if she has indeed gone over to “the dark side.” And of course, the side question here is what are the implications for Sayid?

Good stuff. Comments?

1 comment: